Tag Archives: films

Trailer Talk – March 2015: ‘Before I Wake’, ‘Tomorrowland’, ‘Self/less’ & ‘Pixels’

Some thoughts on a few new trailers. Unfortunately I’m unable to embed the videos as iOS sucks. 

Anyway, live long and phosphorous…

‘Before I Wake’ 

(US Release date – May 8th 2015)


Horror director Mike Flanagan’s latest  effort – Starring Kate Bosworth and (a rather hairy) Thomas Jane, looks to be your standard run of the mill Hollywood horror on first impression. Although with the premise of a young boy’s dreams and nightmares physically manifesting – it could indeed match up to the dread-laden levels of ‘Oculus’ that was a surprisingly decent release last year. 

The trailer itself really doesn’t reinforce this, however. Flat jump scares, the token creepy child(ren) and that certain ‘tragic’ element that completely flips a horror movie. 


(US release date – May 22nd 2015)


Though it’s always cool to see Disney produce the live action movies along with the animations, they’ve not exactly been on the mark recently. 

‘Tomorrowland’, headed by George Clooney as the most un-inventorish looking inventor ever, could possibly turn it around in 2015. On a more optimistic note it looks pretty damn good and a lot of fun. The combination of cute girl Robertson and dashing, rugged Clooney could well be one of the year’s most entertaining and endearing. no less. 

And with Brad Bird at the helm – it’s not like Disney are taking a punt with this one. 


(US Release date – July 31st 2015)


Tarsem Singh, renowned for a his visually distinctive style, is back in a more traditional sense with this thriller topped with a few shots of Face/Off & Avatar. Plot outline – Matthew Goode the science guy transfers cancer-ridden businessman Ben Kingsley’s consciousness into the hot, younger body of Ryan Reynold’s. Cue ‘nothing is at seems’ twist.

 The trailer effectively reveals most of the presumed plot and I’m bored already. Haven’t we seen this all before? Judge for yourself.


(US release date – July 24th 2015)


Based on an awesome 2010 short film of the same name. The first trailer has landed for ‘Pixels’, where a time capsuled collection of the world’s culture & life is misinterpreted by aliens and retaliated with war – BY VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS! We get a good look at the scale here. A giant Pac Man eating everything in sight, Donkey Kong launching barrels at Kevin James (the best part), and the forming of the resistance team of ex ‘Arcaders’, including James, Peter Dinklage, Michelle Monaghan, Josh Gad and headliner Adam Sandler. 

By all counts, any Happy Madison production is generally met with unfavourable opinions. Regularly citing poor, gross out comedy that belongs in a time where fart jokes were innovative. Though I’m going to keep optimistic about this one. If there’s less emphasis on Sandler and James in particular, we could be in for a good show. Game on.

My Top 5 Favourite Film Comebacks

‘Everyone loves a comeback story’ – that old adage that rings true throughout all entertainment, sports and media. But of course the most distinctive and popularised is that of the comeback movie. Whether it be a director returning to their roots, a franchise reinvigorated or a troubled actor finding their place amongst the stars again – film lovers and critics alike find a certain new adoration and pride for the ‘comeback kid’ when it all comes to fruition.

Without question, this can trace back as far as the 1970’s. But in recent memory there have been some standouts that not only won me over, but redefined careers.

5. Bill Murray (‘Rushmore’)

After possibly one of his greatest films ever, ‘Groundhog Day’. Murray’s form fell flat through a gauntlet of comedy misfires. But he found his second calling in the form of young filmmaker Wes Anderson in 1998. Co-starring in his second feature ‘Rushmore’ as rich tycoon ‘Herman Blume’. Garnering an entire new audience to the King of deadpan delivery. Additionally, he starred opposite Scarlett Johansson in the rather lovely ‘Lost In Translation’, further cementing his return to form. Subsequently, Murray has featured in some capacity in all of Anderson’s subsequent works and continues to be one of the all-time greatest workers in the business.

4. Ben Affleck (‘Gone Baby Gone’)

Before 2007, Affleck couldn’t shake off the gremlins that were plaguing him since the less than favourable reactions to Hollywood turkeys like ‘Gigli’, ‘Jersey Girl’ & ‘Daredevil’ (although I will argue that the director’s cut of the latter being an honestly decent film). After a string of average movies, Affleck took to the director’s chair.

He co-wrote the screenplay and directed the adaptation of the detective novel, ‘Gone Baby Gone’, triumphantly crafting an engrossing and prodding mystery thriller filled with great direction of tension, drama and acting. Affleck now appears to have moved away from that Matt Damon-sized shadow that had been cast over him for sometime. Becoming one of the most respected and impressive new directors of the last decade. 

He continued hitting home runs across the board with his 2010 film ‘The Town’, which he also starred and the multi-Academy Award winning ‘Argo’. Which everyone loves. 

Of course you do. 

3. Josh Brolin (‘No Country For Old Men’)

Josh Brolin is an interesting guy. While being an extremely talented & versatile actor, he never had been able to lose that ‘Goonies’ annotation that had latched onto him since the 80’s. 

In 2007, (opposite Tommy Lee Jones and Javier Bardem) starring as man on the run ‘Llewelyn Moss’ in the Coen’s masterful modern Western ‘No Country For Old Men’ gave him the massive boost he deservedly received. 

Brolin is now enjoying a plethora of notable roles. Including turns in ‘Milk’, ‘True Grit’, a rather awesome one in ‘Men In Black 3’, ‘W.’ and ‘Inherent Vice’. Before the release of Marvel’s ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy’ last year. Josh was cast in a multiple picture deal as ‘Thanos’, considered to be one of the greatest comic book antagonists of all time.

2. Robert Downey Jr. (‘Iron Man’)

RDJ’s story is the ultimate comeback story. Falling prey to addiction in the 90’s up until the early 2000’s. He successfully recovered and went on to star in ‘The Singing Detective’ and delivered well-received performances in the comedy crime film ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’, as well as one of my favourites in David Fincher’s ‘Zodiac’.

Downey’s casting as genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist ‘Tony Stark’ aka ‘Iron Man’ for Marvel Studios has redefined what anyone would consider a Hollywood comeback. His casting was not only a great move by the studio, as the actor effortlessly declares on screen that he was born to portray the character. But also for the man himself. 

As the ‘poster boy’ somewhat, he has helped the studio achieve record breaking numbers in the box office and is one of the most overwhelmingly adored figures at the heart of the franchise at the fresh age of 49. You know who he is.

1. Michael Keaton (‘Birdman’)

It’s one thing to make a comeback, it’s another to make one in an Academy Award winning movie. Yet it’s another to make one in a narrative that perhaps parallels that of your own career to an extent.

I’m not going to detail what Mr Keaton had been upto since his Batman days. All I will say is – bravo. One of the most heavily debated movies of the last few years is ‘Birdman’, which scooped the top honours at this year’s Oscars. Keaton unfortunately lost to Eddie Redmayne for the Best Actor gong, which I really felt was a travesty. Not taking away anything from Redmayne’s performance. I just felt ‘The Theory Of Everything’ was purely made to win awards based on its biopic nature. The other brewing argument that surged the internet was whether ‘Boyhood’ or ‘Birdman’ were the more deserving of the Best Film Award. 

While being a truly good piece of filmmaking, and certainly a labour of love of director Richard Linklater. For me, ‘Boyhood’ and its scoping of American life narrative didn’t break new grounds in what I love to see in film. Inarritu’s movie is as ambitious as it is gloriously compelling. Keaton being the driving force behind it. 

Fly high, my friend.

Bastnerds Go Raw – ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ Review



For the first time since I started contributing to the Inglorious Bastnerds podcast, I met up with host Chris (CinemaTronix) and Ian (i_nesbot) in Liverpool. We decided to check out the latest work from acclaimed writer/director Wes Anderson. The Grand Budapest Hotel at the FACT cinema.

As usual. We do deviate away and talk general movie news etc. Whilst consuming a bottle of rum between the three of us in a hotel room.

Surprisingly. Myself and Ian (whom are both huge Anderson fans), didn’t immediately take to the overtly whimsical fare as we normally would.

Check out the podcast on this page – and don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe! Yarp.


My Top Ten Favourite Sequels


It’s been a while, old friend. But I’m back – blogging, writing, complaining, gushing… Whatever.

As a way to dip my toes back into the world of bloggage, I thought I’d start with a few countdowns. So I took to social networks and I was given a couple of ideas for topics.

This one was suggested by my good pal, Ian Nesbit (@i_nesbot) – who has a lovely little Red Bubble store that you can check out here, for all your filmy, televisiony, comicy, nerdy needs.

Anyway. On with the fucking list.

*NOTE:- This will contain ‘threequels’ in some cases*

10. Evil Dead II (1987. Dir – Sam Raimi)

While I’m totally alienated by the horror genre in general – Sam Raimi’s approach to production and direction – of his horror work in particular, is something I really hold dear. Sure, everyone says there’s a ‘charm’. But there fucking is, ok? Evil Dead II, although is more or less a retread of its predecessor – Actually surpasses it with its downright mental hilarity, creative effects work and offbeat style. Groovy means groovy.

09. Aliens (1986. Dir – Jim Cameron)


Staying with the horror genre, so to speak. Ridley Scott’s beautifully constructed ‘Alien’ is among my favourite movies of all time. But with its sequel, James Cameron fucked that whole concept up the poop schute, and elevated it to gun-toting, ooh-ra chanting heaven. Additionally solidifying Ellen Ripley as a certified bad ass. It’s amazing how two films can be so vastly different, but so ball-achingly awesome aswell.

‘Awesome Jim Cameron’ – RIP

08. Toy Story 3 (2010. Dir – Lee Unkrich)


Oh, Toy Story. You beautiful bastard. No other film series has resonated with or affected me more than this. On surface a kids film, but deep down there’s a whole other level of just how much this series rocks. After two belters, in 2010 they give us the masterpiece. I’m not going to justify by any means why this film is on the list. It should really be on everyone’s. The last 20-15 minutes, in particular, struck a chord with me I believe no other film has ever done. And that, alone, is something as a movie lover I will treasure.

07. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (1989. Dir. Steven Spielberg)


Welcome to big school. A lot of people seem to shit all over Indy prequel/sequel ‘Temple’, due to its missing sense of ‘adventure’ that was so richly prominent throughout ‘Raiders’. But with ‘Crusade’, there’s a welcome return. Couple that with the addition of Sean Connery in one of his most memorable roles – you’ve got a recipe for success.

06. ‘Lord Of The Rings – The Two Towers’ (2003. Dir – Peter Jackson)


Normally I consider Peter Jackson’s LOTR trilogy to be one complete body of work. However I felt I needed to include this particular choice on the list or I’d be fussing over whether to edit it or remove it. Whatever.  So, yeah. Helms Deep, Gandalf’s return, Gollum, the rise of Aragorn. It’s all there. And yes, I’ll highly recommend the extended cut, thankyou.

05. ‘Spider-Man 2’ (2004. Dir. Sam Raimi)


Raimi again! Where upping the ante is concerned, Spidey 2 is one of the most recent examples of how to get it so perfectly right. Peter’s (Tobey Maguire) dilemmas with being a superhero, caring for his lonely Aunt, his career, his love life, his guilt over events of the first movie and going toe to toe with an idol of his (Fred Molina) – is placed so precisely well throughout the course of the film, that it never seems to lose any traction. Keeping all those elements relevant to the entirety of the film’s plot. The action/effects are also leagues ahead of Raimi’s original. Particularly the train fight between Peter and Octavius. Check out the extended cut on You Tube for certains. Then thank me with money and praisings.

04. ‘The Godfather Part 2’ (1974. Dir – Francis Ford Coppola)


Considered to be one of the greatest films of the 20th century – ‘Godfather 2’ has one of my favourite film stories of all time. I love a good downfall movie. Newly donned…um… Don – Michael, completely unravels in perhaps Al Pacino’s most iconic, and best performance ever. Running parallel with the story of his father Vito’s escape from his hometown and settlement in America. A stellar turn by Bob De Niro. Though I’m a bigger fan of the first film, Godfather 2 is without question one that all filmmakers would aspire to.

03. The Empire Strikes Back (1980. Dir – Irvin Kershner)


Course I was gonna have fucking Star Wars in here…. What I love about Empire is that though tonally it’s drastically different from A New Hope, it seems to just seamlessly blend with past (and future) events. Everyone’s on top form here, particularly Hamill and Ford. The standout aspect for me though is the movie’s dialogue and interaction between characters. The script is sublime. Oh, and there’s awesome fucking battles involving giant mechanical walkers, lightsabers and laser shooters – peow peow!

02. ‘Back To The Future Part II’ (1989. Dir – Robert Zemeckis)


GLOVER REPLACEMENT! WELLS REPLACEMENT! Ah, shut up. This is always a winner for me. Sure there are some questionable elements that a lot of people take criticism with. I adore the filmmaker’s depiction of the future, the ramifications of the now infamous ‘Gray Sports Almanac’, Marty & Doc’s comedically heartwarming and lovable chemistry – in addition to the call backs to the first movie. It’s a time travel movie done right and then some.

01. ‘The Dark Knight’ (2008. Dir – Christopher Nolan)


“What about escalation?”…. Quizzed Gary Oldman’s Lt. Jim Gordon at the end of Nolan’s new vision of the Caped Crusader. Yes, escalation is exactly what they aimed for and high-fived that bitch so hard its hand ceased to exist. ‘The Dark Knight’ is by a loooong mile my favourite sequel of all time. A few character nitpicks aside, the story is faultless in my opinion. It deals with an interesting study into Bale’s Bruce Wayne, and how far he could be pushed, as well as the city he protects – to its limits. Though I can gush on about Heath Ledger’s immortal portrayal of The Joker, the movie itself is also benefitted by its superb casting and screenplay by Nolan and his brother Jonathan. The theme of the film is ‘escalation’. And one thing I love about Chris Nolan’s storytelling is how he uses some of his movies as a living example of these themes. (See – ‘Memento’, ‘The Prestige’). This is another prime example. Here, it feels like a gradual rush – a shot of adrenaline, perhaps. Toward a dizzying high of tension, emotion and unnerving… Until everything comes crashing down in complete devastation. It’s a simple, yet really, really effective and clever method of film making.

#27 ‘Jurassic Park’ (1993)




*Sam Neill

*Laura Dern

*Richard Attenborough

*Jeff Goldblum

*Ariana Richards

*Joseph Mazello

Director:- Steven Spielberg

With its recent 3D release I thought I’d mark my return to reviewing with a recap of the 90’s belter – Jurassic Park.

Surprised as many may be, before this past week the last time I saw the movie was back in 1993 in theatre at the tender age of 7 years of age. Possibly being the most immersive and awe-inspiring movie experiences in my entire life. The fact I haven’t seen the movie in its entirety for 20 years gave me slight reservations on how the effects, the performances and some of the film’s plot elements would hold up with time. Well, let’s face it – it’s all nonsense really, huh?

—– As the story goes – zillionaire genius, John Hammond, creates an attraction park boasting real-life dinosaurs. Which he has created through the gift of SCIENCE!!!. Inviting archaeologists, Neill and Dern, Jeff Goldblum, plus his two grandchildren to vet the park during a special tour. And all shit breaks loose.

The great thing about Jurassic Park is that it hits the notes so sweetly, it is simply pure unbridled and crazy entertainment from start to end. At a 2 hour running time, the opening half is an oddly well-matched combination of dread and wonder, as we are taken off the Pacific Coast into Costa Rica via air, captivated by the world Hammond has created. While still feeling the uncertainty of just how much a dangerous game he is playing. Spielberg pulls this off with his own unique sensibilities of creating a real experience that’s palpable and emotionally alluring.

The first appearance of a dinosaur in all its glory is one of the most memorable moments in cinematic history – as Sam Neill’s Grant and Laura Dern’s Sattler almost look catatonic as the prehistoric creatures come into view on their arrival at Isla Nublar – with Hammond’s immortal words “Welcome to Jurassic Park!” soon following. It’s something I think most people seeing this film for the first time would relate to. The stunning work on visual and practical effects were and still are breathtaking, further enhanced by high-definition technology used to transfer the film onto blu ray form. There are some sequences that look slightly off-key but it’s nothing prominent or note-worthy.

The only issues I have with Jurassic Park are to do with its characters – A combination of stereotypical khaki wearing buffs, an old man with a God-complex, the ever-warning maths whizz and a whole host of generic cannon fodder park workers.

Grant and Sattler, while appearing well-intended and passionate about Hammond’s miraculous creations, eventually become an almost reluctant childminder and a constantly wailing unnecessary female lead respectively. Grant, being the prominent of the two, is our eyes and ears of the film. But the obvious awkward undertones of his suggested fear of relationships seem to prove he’s not the generic dashing hero that you’d expect. This is further accentuated through his interaction with Lex and Tim, whom incidentally are probably my favourite characters from the entire movie. And are respectfully portrayed by the actors in the film’s more frantically and dramatically terrifying sequences.

Ellie Sattler, on the other hand, is borderline annoying, stupidly self-assured and rather insignificant for the films narrative other than to be the representation of, what I believe to be, Alan Grant’s personal insecurities. If the character was far more of significant value in the Crichton novel – then I guess it’s a faux pas on the part of the screenwriters. I just couldn’t find anything remarkably likeable or screen time worthy about the character.

Goldblum and Attenborough deliver the token gravitas-laden performances with some clunky and groan inducing dialogue, and questionable motivations. That’s both of them, by the way 😉

Spielberg’s direction is spellbinding. With the looming shots of the island filling us with a sense of foreboding and wonder, to the iconic T-Rex attack shots, this is really a movie that he obviously felt close to his heart. So much passion and attention to detail is apparent here, and with a timeless score from John Williams – I was really swept in with a real adventure ‘feel’ – but I honestly found it lacked a little bit in the adventure side as it blossoms into a survival/thriller/monster movie after the first half. Perhaps it would fair better, in this context, by focussing more on the kids as central characters. Deviating away from the frights and scares – opting for a more classic Spielbergian piece. But this just a major nitpick on my part. The creatures look beautiful, the lighting gives the daytime scenes a lush vibrance and tender tone to the more ‘friendlier’ dinosaurs. While the evening sequences, casted over by heavy storms and minimalistic score up the ante in tension and terror as we come to meet the more less favourable inhabitants. Makes for gripping stuff!

So yes, the answer is Jurassic Park still holds up as one of the greatest pieces of modern cinema. It’s issues are more noticeable these days, but it has not lost that wonderful essence that made us fall in love with the film all those years ago.



Inglorious Bastnerds Podcast – ‘Total Recall’



As some of my followers will know – I am a ‘fairly regular’ participant in the Inglorious Bastnerds movie podcast hosted by Chris Byrne of CinemaTronix.co.uk. So far I’ve done a few and decided that it’d be great for the group and for Chris to give the podcast a little more exposure by sharing the wealth on here.

"YOUR MOVE, CREEP..... Wait, what?"

“YOUR MOVE, CREEP….. Wait, what?”

So this week host Chris, regulars Raghav, Ian and Allan – as well as guest Christopher and myself discussed our thoughts and opinions on the sci-fi cult classic ‘Total Recall’ starring ARRRNOLD(!). In addition, we talk about THAT ‘Man Of Steel’ trailer, Jamie Foxx as Electro, the ‘Total Recall’ remake, ‘Olympus Has Fallen’, ‘Evil Dead’ and the critical darling – ‘Scary Movie 5’. Plus much, much more. There were some tech difficulties during recording, so don’t be alarmed by the robotic voices and awkward silences.

Hit the link below and enjoy! Also don’t forget to look up the Inglorious Bastnerds on Twitter, Facebook and at CinemaTronix.co.uk


#18 ‘A Christmas Carol’ (2009)


Oooh… Christmas…. I hate it.

Let’s get this over and done with…


* Jim Carrey

* Gary Oldman

* Colin Firth

Director:- Robert Zemeckis

As an extremely opinionated and devoted Atheist, Christmas is a time of year that tugs various emotional strings for me. The demand, the marketing exploitation, the kids, St Nick himself, and of course… the films.  Though admittedly, I have always held a great admiration for Charles Dicken’s tale ‘A Christmas Carol’. The setting is pointless, it’s the story, the journey that made it such a great, entertaining read, and its message is timeless. So, I’ve taken this ‘Seasonal opportunity’ to review the latest adaptation (Muppets being my favourite). And this is going to be a straight review… No exposition or filler shite.

2009’s take of Dicken’s classic tale is a motion capture feature, directed by Bob Zemeckis (Back To The Future, The Polar Express). Jim Carrey is cast in multiples roles, but of course most notably as Ebeneezer Scrooge – the selfish, unappreciative miser of whom the story is centered, from a youth all the way up to big nosed greedy pensioner, humbug!

Additionally Carrey portrays the 3 Christmas apparitions that Scrooge encounters, and co-star Gary Oldman takes up the mantles of Bob Cratchit, Jacob Marley and Tiny Tim (performance only). This is one of the film’s most striking flaws. In short, Carrey is particularly annoying. The comedic mainstay, though his Scrooge is delightfully wicked, is excruciatingly frustrating as the Ghosts (of Past and Present, Yet to Come does not speak, only motions to Scrooge) . ‘Past’, represented faithfully as an androgynous human/candle – has Carrey delivering lines in a hushed Irish dialect with a tone that is often incoherent, and spends most of the time on-screen in nauseating flying sequences. What’s more absurd, is an obvious ad-libbed moment of sarcastic spooky dancing by the apparition. It’s totally boggling and a moment of total madness…. Ghost of Christmas Present, a burly bearded fellow wearing a flowing robe, again abuses the gift of voice by the overbearing of Carrey’s extroverted performance. Understandably, the character is traditionally depicted as a ‘jolly’ man, however the abnormality of his constant chortling and loud laughter made me itching for the remote – it just soured as the scenes progressed.

These two roles, as integral as they are, are played out as a vehicle for Carrey’s comedic repertoire and knack for ‘rubberfaces’. In hindsight they come off as mere shadows, fantastical and whimsical, as opposed to the haunting spectres of home truths that I’ve come to know them as. I can’t really find a distinguishable issue with the dialogue from either of the characters, as it’s true to the original. There are a few bits here and there left out or replaced – but it would be a serious nitpick (and I love that word, so much), and it wouldn’t bode well for further reading. Simply put, Jim Carrey just didn’t do it for me here.

As Scrooge, Mr Carrey is impressive through most of his scenes as the older version of the character. Nailing down those familiar mannerisms and expressions that we have all come to know and love to hate about Ebeneezer – additionally marking out his dialogue with a hint of sarcastic humour and smugness that Carrey pulls off so well. A particular scene where this comes to mind is his encounter with the Ghost of Jacob Marley (Gary Oldman), it’s a scene worth You Tubing at least. A great fun-poking few minutes from our Jim.

Good ol’ Gary Oldman has a fairly good outing as Scrooge’s long-suffering assistant, Bob Cratchit. A man, loyal, dedicated and faithful to his superior, even through his constant mistreatment and persistent nagging from his impoverished family to stand up to Scrooge and demand a more handsome wage for his efforts. Oldman’s CG character is one of the more obscure that the film has – doesn’t really look much like Oldman, but it’s certainly that delicious East End accent there that he is known for. It’s a great fitting to one of Dickens’ most famous characters. Oldman delivers a modest performance overall with the material provided, but the role is so minimal it’s almost forgettable in a heartbeat.

Visually, Bob Zemeckis’ movies have a penchant for looking from amazing to incredible, A Christmas Carol fits neatly somewhere among those. The CG motion capture is, of course, breathtaking – yet another masterstroke from Zemeckis. It’s worth noting that the difference between this standard from what we saw from the highly entertaining The Polar Express is miles ahead. The facial captures have been altered to dramatically enhance certain stand out features of characters, which in turn makes them more ‘caricature-like’, such as Scrooge’s crooked nose and pointed chin, Cratchit’s boulder-shaped bonce, and Fezziwig’s rotund tummy (A perfect little cameo from Bob Hoskins). It does adhere well to such a story with extrovert characters such as Scrooge, the Ghosts and even Jacob Marley in his declaration of warning to his old business partner (a unnerving performance from Oldman). The setting of Victorian London is perfectly depicted with a murky, washed-out tone throughout, and a series of sequences of a bustling neighbourhood that broadly entices the audience into the heart of the film – brilliantly complimented by Zemeckis collaborator Alan Silvestri’s joyous score. It’s a festive delight to behold and to listen to.

Mr Zemeckis and his ImageMovers Studios have carved an instantly recognisable visual pattern with their work, and here’s hoping under Universal Studios they will continue to thrive and showcase such unique and unforgettable animations for years to come. As much as I genuinely did enjoy this adaptation, it’s the multiple role castings for Oldman and Carrey and his cringeworthy moments of madness that just made this film fall short of a more favourable summary. But, it’s a faithful adaptation nonetheless.




Five Films I Have Proudly Walked Out Of

1. Epic Movie (2007 – Dir. Friedberg/Seltzer)

Oh Crispin...

For an unprecedented amount of time, Friedberg and Seltzer (and I’ve pointed this out before) seem to be allowed to make films and foolishly fool YOU into paying to watch their shit. There’s no ‘ifs or buts’. It is pure shit. I managed about 45 minutes of this turd before walking out in a childish huff as proceeded down the stairs. In all honesty, wasn’t expecting greatness all the same. I did petition against watching, but as they say – The favours you do for women.

She never called me again….

2. Angels & Demons (2009 – Dir. Ron Howard)

"Look, that's where my career's headed... Who are you again?"

After the bore-fest adaptation of ‘The Da Vinci Code’. I kinda had hope Ron Howard would step up his game on this. Nope, didn’t bother… Angels & Demons is actually a great read – exciting, puzzling… ‘sciency’. I loved it. But I lost it. Anyway, when I heard they was writing a screenplay soon after Da Vinci Code was released I had safe bets that it would be better in almost every way. What we got was lots of running about and more bore. The film predictably was a massive miss with critics. Probably because it’s shit.

3. Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen Sith Nerds Part IV – The Quest for Peace (2009 – Dir. Michael Bay)


When I pay to watch a sequel of a mediocre film based on a subject matter close to my heart, there’s a few things I expect of it. I won’t list them, I’ll just call it the bread and butter of film making. Add to that list ‘no racism’, ‘no robot testicles’ and ‘no robot beards’
……..For fuck’s sake.
4. The Simpsons Movie (2007 – Dir. David Silverman)

Better animation doesn't mean 'better'

At the time of release, I wasn’t a big fan of The Simpsons anymore. I was more of hardcore follower of that little show, ‘South Park’. Not to mention ‘Futurama’ gaining my attention. The Simpsons Movie was undoubtedly welcomed, but overdue. To the point of pointless. After falling asleep at the first viewing, I decided to re-watch. Realising I’d paid for something that was more or less an extended episode I could’ve watched at home, I left the theatre and vowed to never be suckered in by any other movie of such nature.

5. Green Lantern (2011 – Dir. Martin Campbell)

"So who's stoked we got Ryan Reynolds on board...?!... No one? Oh..."

My most recent ‘walk-out’. This film was just horrible, a poorly written, poorly edited, poorly ACTED crappy excuse to rake in cash from a much-loved comic book character. Admitedly, Ryan Reynolds, who did suprise me, was the only good thing about the film. He tried to work with the material given, but it fell flat. It’s really just a visual show. And if that’s your bag, game on. It didn’t keep my arse on the seat, and left after an hour and a half roughly. I declared the same day on Twitter that I would e-mail Warner Bros demanding my £8.00 back.
After some correspondence acknowledging my complaint, I received no further mail.

5 Sequels That Ruined Their Predecessor

Ok, just a few picks that I, personally found suitable for this list. I’ll be giving a few thoughts on each one…

1. ‘Evan Almighty’ (Original – ‘Bruce Almighty’)

Awwww... Sheeeeet!

Let me be frank, Bruce Almighty (starring rubber face himself, Jim Carrey) was never a masterpiece, nor was it amazingly funny. But with the film being the jump start for the film career of Steve Carell, it did stir some interest – As a big fan of Carell in The Office, I decided I’d give this film a watch. The end result is a…ugh… ‘comedy’… that doesn’t even touch the sheer stupidity of Jim Carrey’s multi-digited limb. It’s just a damn miracle that Steve Carell is able to shine in other films and become lesser-known for this one.

2. ‘Alien Ressurection’ (Originals – ‘Alien’, ‘Aliens’ & ‘Alien 3’)

Oedipus Complex 101

 A disgustingly horrific way to fully kill one of the best sci-fi franchises of the last 30 years. Alien 3 pretty much ruined it all, but this one was the killing blow…. Actually no, I’m wrong. Alien 3 was the killing blow. This just beat its dead lifeless body down with a massive 40 inch dildo.

3. ‘Everything George Lucas has been involved with since 1999’ (Original – ‘Everything George Lucas was involved with before 1999’)

This picture, tells us exactly what George Lucas, as a filmmaker and what his films represented. Interest, excitement, art, honing a craft, inspiring.

Now, look at what he looks like now… Bloated, boring, egotistical, nonsensical overbearing smugness, dishevelled, piece of crap. These are traits he shares with the films he’s produced in the last decade. George, you killed your baby.

4. ‘TRON: Legacy’ – (Original – ‘TRON’)

"Anyone up for a game of S&M frisbee?"

TRON was one of those ‘kewl’ flicks from the 80’s that we all love. It’s not great now by today’s standards, but that shit was awesome 20 years or so ago. But it’s been slightly shitted on by this long-delayed sequel that would’ve been much better off being produced while technology was not as advanced as now. The first one just seems completely organic in comparison. Again, one of those CGI filled shit-fests that could’ve been so much more.

5. ‘Home Alone 3’ (Originals – ‘Home Alone’ & ‘Home Alone 2’)

Oh, John… John, John, Johnny, John, John…. I wish you could’ve died a happy man.

100 Favourite Films Upto 2010

These are my personal favourite 100 films that I have seen for the last 24 years. It has nothing to do with how the production was, how the acting or story was – or any of that critical crap. Generally it’s all down to if it struck any sort of chord with me. The ascending order from 100-01 is based on how often I would watch the film again, recommendation to others, how often I think I visited the toilet during viewing, and how much it prompted me to find other films by the actors/actresses starring.

100. Control
99. Apocalypse Now
98. Harry And The Hendersons
97. Sin City
96. True Lies
95. The Temple Of Doom
94. American Graffiti
93. Swingers
92. Blue Velvet
91. The Untouchables
90. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
89. The Godfather Part 3
88. Independence Day
87. The Incredible Hulk
86. Ringu
85. The Bourne Identity
84. Seven
83. The Abyss
82. Rocky II
81. Up
80. Short Circuit
79. Training Day
78. The Lion King
77. The Town
76. Being John Malkovich
75. Home Alone 2 – Lost In New York
74. Requiem For A Dream
73. Leon
72. Heat
71. Good Will Hunting
70. The Hudsucker Proxy
69. Terminator
68. Full Metal Jacket
67. Clash Of The Titans (1981)
66. Willow
65. Spider-Man
64. The Departed
63. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
62. Moon
61. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
60. Kick-Ass
59. Once Upon A Time In The West
58. Bubba Ho-Tep
57. True Romance
56. American History X
55. The Birds
54. Toy Story
53. 2001: A Space Odyssey
52. Ghostbusters
51. Scarface
50. Con-Air
49. Die Hard
48. Platoon
47. Spirited Away
46. Pulp Fiction
45. Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
44. Memento
43. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
42. Commando
41. Once Upon A Time In America
40. The Goonies
39. Hot Fuzz
38. 28 Days Later
37. Reservoir Dogs
36. Terminator 2 – Judgment Day
35. Spider-Man 2
34. Toy Story 2
33. Drop Dead Fred
32. Raging Bull
31. The Godfather Part 2
30. Return Of The Jedi
29. Dogma
28. Fargo
27. Dumb And Dumber
26. Transformers (Animated Movie)
25. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
24. Blade Runner
23. Star Wars
22. South Park – Bigger, Longer and Uncut
21. The Prestige
20. Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade
19. Falling Down
18. Labyrinth
17. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
16. Tron
15. Little Miss Sunshine
14. Dog Day Afternoon
13. Taxi Driver
12. Alien
11. The Hangover
10. A Clockwork Orange
09. Fight Club
08. Batman Begins
07. The Empire Strikes Back
06. The Godfather
05. One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
04. Inception
03. The Dark Knight
02. Aliens
01. The Big Lebowski

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